Warning! This story is quite a debacle of potato related incidents and may cause breakdowns for certain individuals who are sensitive to such things. If you do not have such sensitivies, feel free to read on.
It was a cold and snowy day for a race. As Mr. Rabbit was running through the woods, a passing group of snails came, tripping Mister Rabbit giving Bob the Squirrel a chance to catch up. As the race continued, the snow finally went away, but only to reveal feral swarms of flying worms! Seeing the very dangerous worms, the two racers doubled their pace. They ran to the top of the ancient Assyrian ziggurat only to see what had happened. Below them they saw the newly formed junta battling with what remained of the government after the coup. As the battle went on the two racers finally figured out what they were fighting for. They were fighting for the Crystal Potato! At first the racers didn't understand but eventually the gravity of the situation dawned upon them. The Crystal Potato was the most powerful food item on the Ingulare Continent (conveniently located next to Canada) and with it one person could control the world, at least until lunchtime, anyways. But while they were standing there looking pallid as they watched the battle unfold, the flying worms and there fearful leader JEBIDIAH broke into the room. "You'll never get the potato from us", they screeched as they flew out the window. The racers stared listlessly out the window. There seemed to be no way to get the potato back. But finally Mr. Rabbit perked up and said,"I think we should try and get it back!". Finally after many hours (minutes) of begging Bob finally acquiesced, and they set off on their perilous journey. Why am I using such massive words? When will I finally stop making these stories? Who will get the the Crystal Potato? Read part 2 to find out!
Potato Wars Part 2: To Canada!
As Mr. Rabbit and Bob the Squirrel were happily hopping down the yellow brick road singing about a squirrel and a bunny hopping down a path singing, a very evil plot was being made by the flying worms and JEBIDIAH to use the Crystal Potato to rule THE WORLD ( or at least lunchtime anyhow). Using his crystal ball, the flying worms' psychic told them that if they did not eliminate the racers then they would steal the Crystal Potato. Forming an evil plan, the flying worms went to the jail and gave all the criminals an amnesty and let them out as long as they promised destroyed the racers. One particular assassin did a very igonminious thing. When JEBEDIAH dropped a ton of money he purposely went last and smiled laxly as he watched all the criminals fall into his trap. Then he picked up all the money. The Flying Worms liked this guy. He was ordered to annihilate the racers, no matter what the cost. "Finally, we're in Canada!", Bob yelled looking at the sign that said "Welcome to Canada". Bob looked jejune and dissapointed as Mr. Rabbit cleared the sign off so now it said "Welcome to Canada is what you will see in 200 miles". So as they kept walking and walking and walking they became so bored that they started becoming very insouciant or rather careless and even insane. All of that was about to change. With about ten miles to go they were about to go off the deep end they were suddenly attacked by the assassin. "This will be the last guerdon you will ever get, a gift of pain for crossing my path!', he yelled lunging at them with his shiny potato knife. Unfortunately for the racers, they were neophytes at fighting, he was not. Finally the racers were able to slam him into the facade of a building after a very arduous fight. Then Bob looked at the wall they slammed the assassin into and realized that...THEY WERE IN CANADA!
Potato Wars Part 3: Game OverOr is it?
Finally, Canada. What awaits in the conculsion to Potato Wars? Who will get the Crystal Potato? How will it end? "Well we're finally here", said Bob "But I expected more, I don't know...CANADIANS!". "Well", said Mr. Bunny ", I could give you a very verbose explanation, but let's just say they're gone". They were rather calm considering that they were about to enter the largest battle of the century. It was the Penguins, Racers, Ants, and Talkingtrees (one word) versus the flying worms, Russians, iguanas, lions, and banshees. At precisely 24:00:01 (the animals kind of messed up the clocks) the battle commenced. The entire thing was a confusing myriad of fighting animals. As the battle started to flourish It was obvious that the racer's army was losing. There were two options; retreat, or call in a newtlear strike on the enemy. As Mr. Bunny started to call the retreat he was suddenly shot by a potato and collapsed. Now it was up to Bob. He knew he had no choice. He agonizingly took the remote out of a cache in the ground and activated it. Finally he was able to see the planes in the distance.As the newts hit the ground and everything went white..............a light in the distance................a noise..................stamping feet. " Did we win?", said Bob weakly. The last thing he ever heard was almost a whisper. "No".
To Be Continued