It was a cold and snowy day. John Mcjohn was running through the swampland closly chased by many small figures. He was protecting the ultimate weapon, the golden burreto. as he continued to run he was attacked by a scouting fluffy bunny. The other fluffy bunnies caught up and they killed john. The bunnie overlord Bunnie Mcbunney took the burreto and continued to run. but they were being watched by several small figures...as the bunnia army was running along they were suddenly attacked by millions of ANTS of the Antea army. There leader Ant Mcant killed the bunny leader and "tried" to take the burreto but god squished (awwwwwww). so then the new ant leader Sir.Fred lead them back to the den. little did they know they were being watched by the anteater army. When the army sprung they were dissapointed to see they all got squashed by the burreto.So after a rest stop and a snack they took it back to ther den. little did they know they were being followed by the small gooey army that destoried all. They were follwed by MOLD!so as the mold folowed the anteater army the anteatre king accidentily spilled radioactive chemicals on the mold turning them into aliens. the alien mold left swearing (0.0) revenge on the anteaters. then out of nowhere there were more ants with there new leader Sir. Saschatchewan and started attacking the anteaters.l Then the bunnies came back with their new leader The Little Mermaid. then John Mcjohn came back snd then the aliens came and dropped a bowling ball. All of a sudden there was a light to the east and they saw the ultimate anilal Tiger. "STOP" he commanded in an echoing voice. WHY DO YOU FIGHT he bellowed. DONT YOU SEE THAT HE STUPID BURRETO FELL IN THE RIVER. I COMMAND YOU ALL TO GET IT. IF YOU REFUSE I WILL USE THE ROAR OF GODS AND DESTory you all. But then a giant came along grabbed the burreto and ate it . THE END
it was a warm and sunny day. Bob Mcbob was walking down the path with his new unopened silver hamburger. little did he know he was being followed by his arch enemies the killer ants and their leader Sir. Scatchewan. as bob mcbob was about to open it the anta attacked. but when they attacked they got stepped on by bobs friend Mani Toba and then out of nowhere came NOTHING (the notorious orthidontists that harm inexplossive notes of greenness). as nothing attacked the aliens came and droped another bowling ball (for some odd reason or another). then some random guy came out of nowhere and said "i think we need some some theme music!". so then a 5 hour argument they finnaly decided on panic at the disco (happy cori). so then the arguing continued over who got the hamburger until out of nowhere came a light in the distance as it got closer...as the light approached they realiised it was just a car and started arguing again(go.figure.). then another light came and there was dramatic music (o boy it must be somthing big) and it wasnt a car this time it was much bigger and more important. it was a (OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)bus. so they got on the bus and continued arguing until the bus drove off a cliff and into a swamp. and in that swammp there were killer flying monkies. They and their leader killerflyingmonkey Mckillerflying monkey attacked the bus and blew it up. Then a giant came but got killed by a pinapple. The giant fell on NOTHING and killed all the ants too. then the pinapple killed a monkey. So then a tree came to life and ate the hamburger and the monkies. The End
This Ends Here! As the mercat army approched the sacred building the antea army spies were closely prusueing them. As the mercat leader Mercat McMrcat oppened the ancient door the ant army sprung. As the battle raged on the talking tree army and there leader Talkingtree Mc Talkingtree slowly approached the counter. "hello welcome to wendy's the random unimportant person said."may i take your order. As the tree was about to speak (odd i know) the other armys came charging in (dun dun dun) and attaacked the trees.Then out of nowere there was a light comming from the employees only door. All of a sudden the EMPLOYEES ( evil mean people that love edible evil scauce) came and attacked everyone. While this battle was taking place some aliens came and ordered some bronze patato salad and left. NO! they all yelled. They all imidatly ran out the door chasing the aliens before they got into the ship. Then they all paused as a light to the east came and they watched as it rose into the sky. Then all of a sudden the aliens ship exploded and there was no escape. It had to end here. As the battle continued some random guy came and yelled "we need more theme music!". Then there was a 23 hour argument until they finnaly reasised the patato salad was floaring down the river. Sir. Scatchawan and his ant army got in their minituar viking ship and sailed down the river. All the others got into boats and chased the patato salad down the river. As they went to a wide area an epic sea battle started taking place. The ships were launching fireballs at each other. As the ants were launching fireballs their ship was suddenly hit by a fireball. The ship was listing heavily and Sir. Scatchewan was mortaly wounded. As the ship was going down Sir. Scatchewan said with a dying voice "we may die here but we will always...hey is that a patato!". As started to get closer to the patato salad all of a sudden a giant came and ate the patato salad. THE END.
The cool winter coinditions were nothing compared to the horrible rash that the penguins on the penguin leader's quest to get the ultimate apple pie. Lultiment pie. all of a sudden in an ambush an army of ants lead by the famous Sir. Sachatchewan (see metalic food series) attacked fately wouning the penguin leader (a small scrach). his last words were "give me a...a...piece of pizza" then he said...wait werent those his last words...oh well...well anyways, he then said "i need alot of medical surgery, tell Bob that he is the new penguin leader" (DUN DUN DUN) So bob lead the penguin army north on their ship until it sunk (the penguins really were fat now) and they were forced to waddle to shore (which took a REALLY REALLY long time) (ok seriously it was REALLY long) (REALLY LONG!). so in about 45346245643523 CENTURIES they waddled into new york and knocked down a few buildings (they WERE fat(not to be racist)) then continued north. As they were crossing through canada they were suddenly attacked by (guess, i dare you) CANADIANS..no wait thats a typo what i ment to say was...RUSSIANS ( i dont really know what russians were doing in canada ok!) and lost most of their troops (they all eventualy became rich and famous but thats another story. Anyways as they continued north they finnaly reached the artic circle and the pie only to see that (dun dun dun)talking trees and ants got there first and had already taken the pie (which eventualy lead to world war tree but once agaon, another story.). so the trees went south and and the ants (yes, their back) (ok ok ill give an explanation to why Sir. Schactewan is still alive after THE BRONZE PATATO SALAD later, ok) prusued. Then the penguins followed on their luxery jet liner in close prusuit.What will happen next? Where are all the et me tell you the story. It was a cold an snowy day in antarctica (what do you expect a warm grassy field)when they set off, they left in there tiny boat (A norwegian air craft carrier) and there small force (10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 penguins) with little food (all that you can eat). In thease harsh conditions it is amaising that all the penguins (now considerably fatter) landed in south america and after many years of fighting (5 minutes) they finnaly took south america and continued north to the source of the other animals? WHAT IS 2+2? All questions awnsered in the second part of THE ULTAMENT APPLE PIE.
"hello Mr. Priesedent how are you joining us on Fox 3 morning news". "Good thank you". The disscussion went on for half an hour until all of a sudden there was a low hum. a jet crashed into the building and out came penguins. Were takin over this build..." said bbob right before some randome backround character came and pushed him out the window. now said the genral "we need another leader" so then the new leader fHEBLASHAGAN told them that they should stop wasting time and get back to...hay is that a game show! (game show music) WELCOME TO KEEL OF FORTUNE today it is the TALING TREES vs. THE ANTS. IT looks like we have some guest (a penguin falls on the spokes person) (penguin): it is the ants vs. the trees. vs. the penguins for the ultament apple pie. now our first question is (nuclear bomb destories the entire world)(...)(ok, lets go back in time and pretend they didnt die) (REVERSES) Now our first question is (dun dun dun) what. Is. Two. Plus. Two! (DUN DUN DUN) PEnguins are up first. PEnguins:uhhhhhhh...potatos. Spokes person: WRONG Ants: uhhh...patatos? Spokesperson:....ya i dont think so Trees: i know this one i know it! is it...patatos? Sokesperson: OK YOU ARE ALL IDIOTS I QUIT AND IM TAKING THIS ULTAMENT APPLE PIE WITH ME. All: GET HIM!. So then out of nowhere the trees took the the pie and all the other animals (yes there all back) attacked them. After many hard years if fughting (5 seconds give or take). The city was wartorn and the pie missing. THen all of a sudden they saw RUSSIANs taking it away (go figure) TO BE CONTINUED...
...immediatly As all thw other animals prusued the russians an odd thing started to happen. what happened? well im not telling YOU. so anyways they were chasing the russians all of a sudden the sun exploded. idk why but... SO as they were running they fell in a volcano and went to the core of the earth and all of a sudden...nothing happened. What will happen next? why did i cut off at sich an odd moment? why am i asking YOU all thease questions? all questions awndered (or not) in the final part of the ULTAMENT PIE SERIES.
Part 1 So as they werefalling all of a sudden they wnded back up on the top of the earth. Then they saw a cyclops taking away the pie (the russians dropped it when they fell in the volcano, what a surprise.) so everyone (except the sloths) started chasing it. then the cyclops tripped he dropped the oie (created an earthquake, and leveled Los Angelas) and the penguins took it again. Thpenguin leader was running with it when all of a sudden he was leathely hit by a...DUN DUN DUN...potato. His last words were "uss the fork luke...(dies). All: any lukes here? then a nuclear bomb came and...(narrator gets attacked by penguins). Penguin leader:all right, heres the story how i want it! Ant leader: "no I say the end of the sto(SPLAT). Ants: NOO!! SIR. SCATEWAN. I DECLARE WAR!. So as the randome fighting ( stop hitting your self, Ahh my thorax!) continued no one saw the EVIL CANADIAN MENACE taking it away to Russia (where else would CANADIANS live except russia). so after many hours of fighting and way to many bad puns (cow: prepeare for your UTTER defeat) the penguins finnaly noticed the pie was gone and went to search the Pacifin Ocean for the canadians. Once they finnaly realised that the pie wasnt there (and that they did not have gills) (what was left of) the penguins porceded to russia.to be cont...
penguin : oh no you dont! Narrator: yes im tired of typing penguin:so Tony: HI EVERYONE! Narrator: Hey all of you get out! Penguin: NO WAY!V THIS ENDS HERE!!! FOR ME, FOR THE PENGUINS, AND FOR THE ULTAMENT APPLE PIE!
"ah ha! we will finnaly feast apun this scrumptious apple pie" said the canadians.* pengguins burst in all equiped with fully loaded bananas*. "AH! BANANNAS OUR ONLY WEAKNESS!". *the canadians get out their rubber chickens*. Penguins and canadians: ITs ON!. Immediatly the penguins fired their banannas taking down many canadians but then the canadians fired their rubber chickens but missed (stupid canadians and their bad eyesight). But unfortunatly the canadians had a secret weapon (but they lost it).then all of a sudden a potato(you will here the wort potato sevral times before this story is over...LIVE WITH IT!), and before i go oni only have sevral things to say: potato potato potato potato potato potato. ok now on with the story.\ (in part two that is)
Book 3, Part 2 Finnaly after many months of procrastinatung THE CONCLUSION TO THE ULTAMENT APPLE PIE SERIES IS HERE. (random cheering). ok heree we go... All of a sudden a potato came crashing through tihe window and...nothing happened. So as the penguins and canadians were fighting THE POTATO EXPLODED! so then after a heafty meal, a tea party, and the second coming, the battle raged on. THE END
Penguin: NO WAY! Penguin 2: very anti-climatic Penguin 3: BOOOOOOOOOOORING! Penguin 4/Russian: IZ BE REZZUAN! Narrator: well i got bordd Tony: TO BAD IM TAKIN OVER NOW AND I ONLY HAVE ONE THING TO SAY! PORTAL COMBAT!!!!!
All of a sudden a portal burst out of a vortex out of a double helix out of a potato out of chuck noris! They were all sucked in (except for the apple pie) except one penguin. The benguin grabbed (and ate) the apple pie. But before he ate it he got hit by a POTATO (people over towers and toungs obo's). Then POTATO STOLE the applepie and fell into a pit . Then a giant came and Ate Potato. THen the apple piee fell onto a truck and was carried to chinA.
To Be Concluded in: The Ultament Apple Pie 2: Mass armies and other pie related things
Warning! This story is quite a debacle of potato related incidents and may cause breakdowns for certain individuals who are sensitive to such things. If you do not have such sensitivies, feel free to read on.
It was a cold and snowy day for a race. As Mr. Rabbit was running through the woods, a passing group of snails came, tripping Mister Rabbit giving Bob the Squirrel a chance to catch up. As the race continued, the snow finally went away, but only to reveal feral swarms of flying worms! Seeing the very dangerous worms, the two racers doubled their pace. They ran to the top of the ancient Assyrian ziggurat only to see what had happened. Below them they saw the newly formed junta battling with what remained of the government after the coup. As the battle went on the two racers finally figured out what they were fighting for. They were fighting for the Crystal Potato! At first the racers didn't understand but eventually the gravity of the situation dawned upon them. The Crystal Potato was the most powerful food item on the Ingulare Continent (conveniently located next to Canada) and with it one person could control the world, at least until lunchtime, anyways. But while they were standing there looking pallid as they watched the battle unfold, the flying worms and there fearful leader JEBIDIAH broke into the room. "You'll never get the potato from us", they screeched as they flew out the window. The racers stared listlessly out the window. There seemed to be no way to get the potato back. But finally Mr. Rabbit perked up and said,"I think we should try and get it back!". Finally after many hours (minutes) of begging Bob finally acquiesced, and they set off on their perilous journey. Why am I using such massive words? When will I finally stop making these stories? Who will get the the Crystal Potato? Read part 2 to find out!
Potato Wars Part 2: To Canada!
As Mr. Rabbit and Bob the Squirrel were happily hopping down the yellow brick road singing about a squirrel and a bunny hopping down a path singing, a very evil plot was being made by the flying worms and JEBIDIAH to use the Crystal Potato to rule THE WORLD ( or at least lunchtime anyhow). Using his crystal ball, the flying worms' psychic told them that if they did not eliminate the racers then they would steal the Crystal Potato. Forming an evil plan, the flying worms went to the jail and gave all the criminals an amnesty and let them out as long as they promised destroyed the racers. One particular assassin did a very igonminious thing. When JEBEDIAH dropped a ton of money he purposely went last and smiled laxly as he watched all the criminals fall into his trap. Then he picked up all the money. The Flying Worms liked this guy. He was ordered to annihilate the racers, no matter what the cost. "Finally, we're in Canada!", Bob yelled looking at the sign that said "Welcome to Canada". Bob looked jejune and dissapointed as Mr. Rabbit cleared the sign off so now it said "Welcome to Canada is what you will see in 200 miles". So as they kept walking and walking and walking they became so bored that they started becoming very insouciant or rather careless and even insane. All of that was about to change. With about ten miles to go they were about to go off the deep end they were suddenly attacked by the assassin. "This will be the last guerdon you will ever get, a gift of pain for crossing my path!', he yelled lunging at them with his shiny potato knife. Unfortunately for the racers, they were neophytes at fighting, he was not. Finally the racers were able to slam him into the facade of a building after a very arduous fight. Then Bob looked at the wall they slammed the assassin into and realized that...THEY WERE IN CANADA!
Potato Wars Part 3: Game Over Or is it?
Finally, Canada. What awaits in the conculsion to Potato Wars? Who will get the Crystal Potato? How will it end? "Well we're finally here", said Bob "But I expected more, I don't know...CANADIANS!". "Well", said Mr. Bunny ", I could give you a very verbose explanation, but let's just say they're gone". They were rather calm considering that they were about to enter the largest battle of the century. It was the Penguins, Racers, Ants, and Talkingtrees (one word) versus the flying worms, Russians, iguanas, lions, and banshees. At precisely 24:00:01 (the animals kind of messed up the clocks) the battle commenced. The entire thing was a confusing myriad of fighting animals. As the battle started to flourish It was obvious that the racer's army was losing. There were two options; retreat, or call in a newtlear strike on the enemy. As Mr. Bunny started to call the retreat he was suddenly shot by a potato and collapsed. Now it was up to Bob. He knew he had no choice. He agonizingly took the remote out of a cache in the ground and activated it. Finally he was able to see the planes in the distance.As the newts hit the ground and everything went white..............a light in the distance................a noise..................stamping feet. " Did we win?", said Bob weakly. The last thing he ever heard was almost a whisper. "No".
There were two options; retreat, or call in a newtlear strike on the enemy. As Mr. Bunny started to call the retreat he was suddenly shot by a potato and collapsed. Now it was up to Bob. He knew he had no choice.
